Expressing love in Japan is more subtle than in many Western cultures. Indeed, Japanese people often avoid direct or explicit emotional statements. Instead, they tend to channel affection through actions which makes it difficult and frustrating for English speakers (trying to study the language).
Nonetheless, this guide will try to break down the crucial differences between the types of “love,” the common phrase for romantic interest, and when you could actually use the intense phrase for “I love you.”
Universal vs. Romantic Love
In Japanese, there are distinct words for general, universal love and specific, romantic love.
Universal Love
If you ask Google Translate what’s “I love you,” it will give you 愛しています (Aishite imasu). And indeed, 愛 (あい：ai) refers to a broad, all-encompassing, and often unconditional affection.
This strong emotion is applied across many intense feelings. For example, it appears in 愛情 (あいじょう：aijō), which could be the emotional love a mother feels for her children. But it could also be the love you would feel for a romantic partner after a deep, long commitment. You’ll also find it in the word 愛欲 (あいよく：aiyoku), which means “lust” or “sexual desire.” So it has a very broad meaning and encompasses all powerful, strong forms of love.
However, according to cultural norms, 愛しています (Aishite imasu) or more casually, 愛してる (Ai shiteru) is often considered so intense that it is saved for major milestones, such as a marriage proposal or after many years of marriage and hardship together. By the time a couple has been together that long, however, they often understand each other so well that the phrase is not even necessary…
Romantic Love
The word 恋 (こい：koi) refers specifically to romantic interest, the feeling of “falling in love,” or being emotionally passionate about one person.
It appears in the word 恋人 (こいびと：koibito) which literally means “loved person” and is used to say “girlfriend” or “boyfriend.”
You can actually combine both 愛 (ai) and 恋 (koi). Together, they are read 愛恋 (れんあい：ren’ai) which means “romance” or “passionate love.” So that gives the word 恋愛結婚 (れんあいけっこん：ren’ai kekkon) which means “love marriage” as opposed to the traditional Japanese arranged marriage.
Most Common Way to Express Romantic Interest
Japanese speakers in a new or established relationship typically express affection using a phrase that translates to “I like you.”
The Casual Phrase: “I Like You”
The most natural and common phrase used by young people in the honeymoon phase to express romantic feeling is:
- 好き (suki)
This phrase translates to “I like.” So you can use it to anything you like a car or a dessert. As you can devocalize the 
/u/, a good mnemonic in English is the word “ski.”
Click here to hear how to pronounce 好き.
Intensifying the Affection
If you want to say “I really like you,” you can add 大 (だい：dai) before the word, which literally means “big“:
- 大好き (daisuki)
Click here to hear how to pronounce 大好き.
The Polite Approach
It is common to maintain 敬語 (けいご：keigo) the polite speech style toward an older romantic partner or even throughout the entire relationship. To make the “I like you” phrase polite, simply add the formal ending です (desu):
- 好きです (Suki desu)
- 大好きです (Daisuki desu)
Click here to hear how to pronounce 大好きです.
Expressing Affection When Missing Someone
Alternatively, another way to express affection and emotional attachment is by telling your partner you miss them:
- 会いたい (Aitai)
This phrase literally means “I want to meet you.” It comes from the verb 会う (au) “to meet” conjugated with the たい (tai) form making it “want to”. When used toward a partner who is away, the context makes it clear that you are expressing how much you miss them.
Final Thoughts: Context and Subtlety
When expressing love in Japanese, prioritize 好き (suki) or 大好き (daisuki) over the direct phrase 愛してる (Ai shiteru). The progression of affection usually follows this path:
- First declaration: 好きです (Suki desu)
- During the Relationship: 会いたい (Aitai) when apart.
- Years Later: 愛してる (Aishiteru)… if at all. Japanese people still wouldn’t use it.
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